This time last year we were in Fiji. We had a mini break to distract us from the fact that we should have been having our baby girl that week. From the fact that we had made plans for another little person to join our team and that it was never going to happen. We figured if we booked an adventure, somewhere it was almost impossible to feel sad, we wouldn't fixate on what we'd lost.
This year we're away again, on an adventure to try and escape our demons. To try and find ourselves again after 2016 shook us to our cores. But being on the other side of the world doesn't take away from the loss. It doesn't mean that we don't think about her most days.
Would she have blue eyes?
Would she have been a big smiler or be a serious baby like her brother?
Would she like music as much as her Dad and brother and dance along to Bruce Springsteen like Sam did that age?
Would she have inherited her Dad's genetic vision impairment? Or maybe inherited her Mum's lazy eye like her brother did?
Would she be a girly girl like most of our nieces or would she join the boy's cousin gang?
Would she have curly hair like her mother did at that age?
Would she have the same dimple that Sam and her Mum have?
Would she already be speaking words like Sam was at that age?
Would she already be walking or just crawling like Sam was at his first birthday?
Would she only be wearing her brother's hand-me-downs or would we have caved to buy traditionally girly outfits?
Would she be a good night sleeper like her brother or would we be a walking zombies like some parents of 1-year-olds?
Would she be high on the charts like her brother 99% for weight & 95% for height or would she be a dainty wee thing?
Would she be a Daddy's girl or clingy with Mama like Sam was in his first year?
Would Sam be a good older brother?
Would he dote on her or wish she hadn't joined the family?
Would our family feel complete?
Would we feel complete?
We are a family of 3. This blog is the story of how we almost became 4, why we didn’t, and what we are doing to recover from that experience.