So. Here we are. And so are you. Hello.
Where is here? That’s a pretty deep question, my friend, but we’ll give it a try. In a geographical sense here is Auckland, New Zealand. West Auckland, specifically. There are trees. It’s nice. In a more personal sense, we’re at a bit of a crossroads. You see, we have this crazy idea about starting a blog – a blog about ourselves. Well, not really about ourselves, but about some of our recent experiences and our attempts to hit reset after a difficult time for us as a family. We know it sounds pretty lame and self-indulgent (hey, it probably is), but we feel like maybe we have something worthwhile to say. If not, I’m sure someone will tell us. This is the internet right? What could go wrong?
Who are we? Nobody particularly special. We’re a small family of 3 – one man, one woman, one blond-mopped pocket rocket of a boy. Man (Nick) is the primary breadwinner, holding a management position in telecommuncations / technology (yes, there are a lot of meetings). Woman (Annamarie) works part time as a beauty therapist and beauty salon marketer – though if you stick with us you’ll see that she hasn’t been doing much working recently, for reasons that will become painfully clear. Boy (Sam) eats, shouts, laughs, cries and generally causes havoc, often all before the sun’s up.
So what happened to us? We’ll get into the specifics in later posts, but for now, here’s a rough approximation of our Sh*t List 2016:
So yeah. It’s been a stinker.
Of course we realise that overall we are very lucky in life. We have (some) money. We own a nice house – well, we own half of it, the bank has the rest. Nick has a good job. We have one incredible son. We also have a giant hole in our hearts.
So, the point. The point of this blog, in so much as it has one, is to document our experience, what came next, and where we go from here. We’re sharing it because -
a) it’ll keep us honest in terms of actually facing up to this stuff and;
b) maybe it’ll help others who’ve faced or are facing something similar.
We’re NOT sharing it to have a big pity party for ourselves, but in addressing this stuff, we will no doubt talk about how hard it has been. That is not to diminish all the other pain in the world, or compare our suffering to anyone else.. Despite what your cross-fit-boot-camp-personal-instructor tells you, pain is not a contest.
In fact, that’s one thing we would like to be really clear about. Throughout 2016, we’ve felt many things – sadness, hurt, anger, joy, completely inappropriate laughter – we’re going to talk about these things as they felt to us, and what we’ve done to deal with them. Objectively you can stand back and look at all of this and call it “first world problems”. But pain is not objective – it doesn’t respond to rational argument or being shamed away. Sure, you can suck it up if you need to (we all do this every day in one way or another), but somewhere deep down this stuff still hurts, and if you’re not aware of that it will hit you like a sledgehammer when you’re driving to work, listening to a sad song or brushing your teeth before bed.
That being said, the blog is also not intended to be a sack full of sadness. As awful as it feels to say, there are good things that have come out of this year. Nick lost 10kg and improved his strength and fitness to the best it’s ever been. Sam has learned some incredible tools for dealing with his emotions that will serve him well all his life. Annamarie has had her wrist fixed. And we’ve all learned some lessons about what is important to us, and what we want our life to look like now and in future.
These will be stories of loss, of pain, of sadness – but ultimately of hope. Hope for the future. Aspiration for our child, not to “succeed” but to truly live a good life, filled with happiness, compassion and understanding. This is life giving us lemons, us completely screwing up the lemonade, then throwing it out and starting over again. Maybe this time we’ll make vodka. If you fancy coming along for the ride, we’d love to have you with us.
We are a family of 3. This blog is the story of how we almost became 4, why we didn’t, and what we are doing to recover from that experience.